Thought Bubbles

Recently I have been giving a lot of thought to mortality, morality and what were meant to do about them. What does all this shit mean? I won’t lie, I’ve struggled as many have before and many will after me and spurring my new thoughts, are new words, I have been delving into books that have challenged how I think about the world (The End of Mr. Y by Scarlett Thomas & Ishmael by Daniel Quinn to name some), have re-sparked my interest in philosophy, quantum physics; as well as fed my hunger for an answer to a question I don’t know (cliché, I know, but is is so for a reason). To put it frankly, I am not seeing eye to eye with any of this ‘life’ that has been set out for me, and yet am so consumed by it I feel struck with excitement about becoming a part of it, and worryingly stuck with in it simultaneously .

I don’t mean it to sound selfish and ungrateful; I am constantly grateful for what has been given to me, and know that I shouldn’t complain. All I’m trying to get to grips with, is the prospect that I am growing up, and I DO have a choice of paths to travel. Yet somehow I feel I am being led.

As I have grown, new doors have opened as my less mature mind seeped slowly into a faded shadow, to reveal new perspectives and understanding; or misunderstanding – some would call it maturity. I see it as more of a loss of vision, of clarity.

My mind has supposedly been ‘broadened’ to encompass a whole new set of informed opinions, actions, abilities, decisions. Worries. Some of which I am beginning to realise are not my own worries ,but that of a world of people before me. I have been shaped by my environment and if I’m honest, as much as I thrive in this City, with these people, and this culture, I find myself increasingly frustrated and emptied. It wears you thin.

I can’t help feel all of this is self-perpetuating in this highly constructed, ‘sophisticated’ society, which really could not be further from how we should live – I’m not sure of how we should live though (really people read ‘Ishmael’). Fundamentally, the questions that used to keep me awake at night as a 7 year old, (‘Why am I me?’ ‘whats the point?’), are still niggling at me now – I’ve gone deeper into the rabbit hole, but there’s nothing there. It’s still pitch black.

So with regards to mortality and morality – I have figured nothing out. It’s becoming clearer that I don’t believe I ever will. I used to know adults had all the answers; and now I am one, I spy a gleaning recognition in other adults that we are all just kids trying to work out what the fuck is going on.

The bottom line though – there is too much to consider and I don’t know what to do with all I have been given.

So far all I can do is be kind, love and not be scared to do what I want – (as this fear is something I get top marks in). (Side note: try not to get hooked up on materialism or consumerism this adds to the previous point, because as angry as it makes me, our generation is a shameless product of these two things – Money may help, but is worthless.)

Sorry it is all reading a tad on the pessimistic side today, but I hope that the optimism I feel about actually thinking about things like this comes through.




This entry was published on May 14, 2014 at 3:54 PM. It’s filed under Thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Thought Bubbles

  1. Crusty_Busker on said:

    Maturity is partly accepting the fact that life is a roller coaster, sat down with the overhead bar clamped too tight. Our fate is decided the moment we take our first breath, that we will take our last when the ride is through. To put it very pessimistically, life is a terminal disease, killing us slowly one day after the next, we have no control over the speed or trajectory. The good die young. So do the bad. So do dogs, cats, trees, fish… Accepting death is not the same as realising your own mortality. Here today, gone tomorrow.

    If I were to die tomorrow, the world would keep spinning. I would love to sit back and think that it would be noticed, but in the grand scheme of things, nothing changes. My job can be filled, a new tenant for the flat, a day’s work for a grave digger, and a nice chunk in the funeral home’s pocket for the headstone (presuming they can find body to bury/cremate). Unfortunately the ones you love don’t always love you, in my case, give it a few months and all that will remain is a name prefixed by “The Late”.

    A moral code is a good way to live. However, it makes life complicated when your morals and views do not align with others. And then the eternal argument, how do you truly define right and wrong? What you think is right for you, may have damaging effects on others. So is it right to go through with it? Or wrong due to the collateral damage?

    That is the beauty of life, and quantum physics. We can only see what we can see. We can only measure what we can measure. The deeper and further down the rabbit hole you go, the more you see of questions we cannot answer. Theoretical Physics explains some of Quantum, is exactly and only that… Theoretical. However, I feel that man is too arrogant to accept that there are some things we will never know or be able to explain. They say ignorance is bliss. What you don’t know can’t hurt you. If they found a way to decode your genes to find out if/what disease/age you will die, would you want to know? It could have 2 effects, live every day like your last until your last, or live in fear counting down pre-occupied with trying to find a way to stop it? I repeat, Ignorance is bliss.

    Child like innocence speaks the greatest wisdom.
    “What do you want in life?”
    “To be happy”
    “To be happy? you don’t understand the question”
    “No, I understand, it is you who does not understand life”.


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